wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
