how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
it's great music for shaving your balls
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
