No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
i black out too much to be "responsible"
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
