omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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