I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
You pole danced in your parka.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Randomize
