this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
