I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
