everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
