I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
false alarm. still invincible.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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