I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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