youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
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he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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