New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
