I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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