tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
