Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
