she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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