Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he thought i was a dude.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
