Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
