i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
