I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
