Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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