And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
