I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
