So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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