I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
