I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
