the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
