how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
