I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Randomize
