im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
