no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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