i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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