Whod you bang
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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