Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
