Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
