I cannot find my penis.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
