i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
