So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
i think i just lost a toe
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
