she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
