i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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