I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
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