he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
