the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
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