Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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