Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
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