He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
