I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
