Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
