is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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