Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
