ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
