Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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