I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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