Yo dont text me then not text me
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
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We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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