Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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