there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
