You smell like a Billy Joel song
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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