U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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