how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
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