i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
