I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
