Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
