was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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