Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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