I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Text me some of your sweat
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
