All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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