so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
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