I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
not ubering you a puppy
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
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