I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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