she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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