i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize
