Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
