good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
