I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I cut my penus on the lid.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
