My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
